Join me into the darkness

Somewhere along the way I lost myself -again- somewhere in the darkness. We all go a little mad sometimes, but I stay mad. I want to remain this dark soul. This world is full of empty people and I don’t want to be one of them. I want to live in sin and live my life like the artist I am. Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens, so let this idea go. Experience is the key to intelligence. So, let’s forget who we are and dive into the dark. Come into my madness and join me in my dark passion. Light is easy to love. Show me you are different. Show me you are courageous and get to know me. If you can, break me and my heart. I desire the things which will destroy me in the end. But at the same time I kill everything that kills me. Let’s see who wins. Are you mad enough about me to go all in? Come see my demons and try to bring them to their knees.

Love, a M our Z

Set your goals and smile

My life has totally changed in the last year. I didn’t think that I will laugh again, but I did. Lots of times. There were days when I did not think that I will ever escape the darkness around me. I couldn’t see anyhing good in my life anymore. I was in a permanent struggle with myself and with the people I loved. I wanted to be alone, because no one could understand me. Honestly I don’t think that I could. That’s why I pushed everyone away. Some didn’t leave, they continued to believe in me although I did not. One day I decided I can not continue like this. All this sadness was not me, and I started to change. Think I did not want. So, instead of crying all day long I started working. Anything to be on step closer to my goal. And now I see photos of myself and I recognize my smile.

What I actually want to say is that you should never give up. Work for what makes you happy and one day you will be happy.

50 things about me

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?
Moving to Germany and starting a new life. I had to adapt and that made me stronger and more confident.
2. What’s one thing that happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?
When my little brother was in a coma, fighting for his life and I couldn’t do anything to help me was the weakest moment in my entire life. I felt very powerless.
3. Where is one place you feel more like yourself?
It is not necesarrily a place, when I am with my parents usually I am really myself.
4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?
My hometown in Romania, Sibiu. I can escape my responsabilities and just have fun. Nothing matters anymore.
5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?
My mother.
6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
Definetely my intolerance to stupidity. I am getting too angry around stupit people and that is affecting my health.
7. If you had one day left to live what would you do first?
I would drop my pride and tell the boy I love that I loved him all this time.
8. What decade do you fell you most belong to?
Hmm. I love the fashion from the 20’s and the lifestyle from the 70’s. Can’t choose between this two.
9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?
I am very close to both my parents. Can’t really choose. I think it depends.
10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?
My mom. She literally looks at me and knows if something is wrong and what.
11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?
Her sense of humor.
12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grow up?
An Actress.
13. If you could identify with one fictional character who would it be?
Scarlet O’hara or Holly Golightly.
14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?
I need compliments like I need oxygen. Sad but true.
15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?
16. What is your favotie physical attribute about yourself?
I can’t decide between my ass or my collar-bones…
17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?
My creativity.
18. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, but I believe in lust at first sight.
19. Do you believe in soul mates?
20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?
More seriously than I should.
21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?
Two times.
22. What makes you fall in love with someone?
I don’t know. There is not something in particular.
23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?
Heartbreak. Love makes me vulnerable. I think this is why I am trying to avoid it.
24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?
I am not afraid to ask anything.
25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?
I would cut my hair really short to see if I feel cold.
26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?
Well, I think the most attractive thing about men are full lips and about women the smile.
27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?
Art history.
28. What is something you’ve never dpne that you’ve always wanted to do?
Sky diving.
29. Why haven’t you done it yet?
I am always spending the money on something else.
30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?
Fashion designer.
31. If you had off from school today what would you do?
Honestly, probably nothing.
32. What was the last thing that made you cry?
In my defense I was on edge, but the last time I cried was when my dream shoes were sold out.
33. What is your favorite memory?
My favorite memory was when I bought my Iphone, one year ago.
34. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
My little brother getting in trouble with my mom, 5 seconds ago.
35. What’s the last thing that really embarassed you?
Let’s just say my period came sooner than expected…
36. What is your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is that I end up a failure.
37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?
My biggest regret was missing a concert on V-day this year.
38. Have you ever broken a law?
Depends on who is asking…
39. What is the craziest thing you ever done?
That’s a tough one. The one that pops now into my head happened two years ago. It doesn’t make sense, so it is really something a crazy person would do. I was with my friends in someone’s appartment. Don’t know who’s because the owner was on vacation. Anyway, somehow my friends got a key. So we drank and at aout 8 a.m. I decided to go home. I arrived home, although I was pretty drunk. But for some reason I slept outside. I had keys, that wasn’t it. Nonsense, like I said.
40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?
Yes, I have all the time.
41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe?
42. What’s your favorite joke?
My brother… Kidding.. I don’t know.
43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?
Cat person.
44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
A talking parrot or a penguin, but only a female penguin. I don’t want to take care of the egg.
45. What’s one show, movie or book, you’re embarassed to admit you enjoy?
Hannah Montana.
46. How do you think your parents describe you as a child?
Difficult but sweet.
47. If you could go back at any time of your life, what age or time would it be?
I don’t want to go back, the beauty of a moment is that is fleeting.
48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?
Me…and destiny. But mostly me.
49. What’s one thing you would say that make you unique from other people?
My drama queen side is out of this world.
50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

Does love really make you blind?

Many of us think about the past relationships and wonder how they couldn’t see the real character of the person they loved. Well, stay tuned because I am going to tell you why you didn’t.

I had different kinds of relationships and in some I couldn’t see how boring they were, or how they weren’t very smart or how arrogant etc… All my friends told me again and again but I never really noticed. It’s like you are blind.

People go blind for many things. Money makes you blind, love etc.. The truth is it’s terrible to not being able to see what is right before you.

I can’t help but wonder, is this what’s so magical about love? The fact that you can’t see the flaws of the one you love and neither can he/she? We judge people everyday based on their flaws but when it comes to the one we love we just move past them. Suddenly a normal person becomes perfect in our mind. I have to admit this is interesting.

Lucy Brown, doctor in neuroscience at Albert Einstein College of Medicine said that love doesn’t make you blind but it blurs your vision. You see the flaws from the person you love but your brain tells you it’s ok to ignore them.

Reistad Long (UCL) said that there are many similarities between the maternal love and the love for your partner. Actually every kind of love uses the same parts of the brain, particularlt the prefrontal cortex. This part inhibits our negative emotions but also affects the network involved in maing social judgments about that person. This is why we don’t listen to our friends.

How can be something so supremely pure and beautiful can work like a manipulation. An automanipulation. We accept this because of the “reward” of love, of happiness.

What is even more interesting is that many drugs work in the same way as love. The same part of the brain is involved in the use of drugs and the purpose is the same. The “reward” of happiness.

Science also declares that until the passion and the flame from the beggining passes you won’t be able to see the flaws from the one you love.

Did love “blind” you? If yes, don’t hesitate to share this post.

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You gotta love mocha rose!

Today I felt in love with a new color palette, the mocha rose.

They are so girly and delicate. The slight pink gives you a feeling of gratitude and appreciation combined with lavender that is associated with royalty just makes this color perfect.

It’s freezing outside and I’m sick so for a couple days now I’m feeling always cold plus this weather makes me feel a bit low. It’s like you don’t see happy people on the streets anymore, everyone is quiet and shivering. But then today I found this photos in mocha rose tone and it was like a hug for my soul. So I thought to share it with you. Hope they are gonna make your day better too.

Let’s leave this mess behind!

We always say: “This is it, Last chance!” We are aware that it’s too much, we are aware that the once perfect relationship it’s gone.  But for dome reason we can’t accept it. Why? Are we all masochists?

Many of us are in some pretty toxic relationships, from where we can’t seem to walk away. We want to, we want to finally get away from all the craziness. But then we give one more glance and remember why we stayed for so long. In that moment, we decide to go back into that vicious circle, hoping for a different outcome. I’m pretty sure this is the definition of insanity.

We aren’t hurting only us, we hurt our partners too. Love turns into an obsession, it isn’t love anymore it’s addiction. Then in the end, all the beautiful feelings we once had turn into hate and a desire of revenge. You can’t stand to hear the name of the person you loved. You get to a point when you can’t figure out, when you became such a person. A person that would break all their principles for revenge.

The truth is, no matter how much we want to blame other people, we are the only ones to blame. Why didn’t we left when we should have? Why did we get in this toxic game when we knew it is too much to handle?

We all deserve to be happy, to have a happy relationship in which we don’t have to be scared that the person we love will suddenly leave. A relationship shouldn’t be lived in fear, the fear to say something wrong that will lead to a huge fight. A relationship doesn’t mean jealousy and possessiveness. If you’re going through something like this, please wake up and realise that there is someone out there, who will love you unconditionally just for the way you are and who will give you the trust you deserve.

I know you feel like you can’t live without that person but you can. The most darkness is right before the sun comes up. You both deserve to be happy. You just need to be strong.

Zota Mara
Photograph Martin Ecker.
Photoshooting Martin Ecker with model Mara Zota.
Photoshooting with Martin Ecker

For more details about the dress, click on the image.

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Kisses, M!

Life’s too short to spend it with irrelevant people.

Everything started a week ago when I went out with my friends and I met a new girl. No one really knew her but she was a friend of a friend. I don’t know about you, but after I meet someone I always ask myself what do I think about that person. Honestly I found her irrelevant. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against her, it’s just with or without her it would’ve been the same thing. I like spending time with interesting people, people that give me a good vibe. I like people with strong opinions and lots of ideas. People, with whom you can get out for a drink and talk about religion, politics, the reason behind wars, sex, love and crowd manipulation etc. After this, I started paying attention on what kind of friends other people want. In every school the girls who dress up like they are on a runway are friends with other girls who do the same. You see the “nerds” with other “nerds”, the weedsmokers with the weedsmokers and the shy ones with the shy ones. But should only one common characteristic hold everyone together like that? Where is the diversity? It’s very unlikely that all those groups have the same interests, hobbies etc.

A good friend of mine, asked me a few days ago what I liked most about him. At first I taught he was kidding so I said that I really like how he looks in his new, white, Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt. But then he looked at me and I saw he wasn’t kidding, for some reason he needed my serious answer. And I knew it. I’m friends with him because of his good energy, you can’t be upset around him. I love those kind of people. However when I asked other people of what qualities they look in friends none gave me that answer. Aren’t we supposed to want good vibes from our friends? The majority said they want honest friends, and that is logical-no one likes lies-, the next most said answer was the humor but again that is not only logical(who doesn’t want to laugh?) but it is also relative.

I was actually looking for more interesting, original answers. A person with which I talked once for hours gave me an answer that caught my attention. Along other things, he told me he looks for friends that a have a goal. Let’s focus a bit on that. People nowadays, actually most teenagers don’t have passions or dreams anymore, and the people who still have can stimulate you too. They can push you to try and work harder for what you want. They encourage you, just by being themselves to set your goals high.

In conclusion, everything I want to say is that we should look for those kind of people. People from whom we can learn and people who make us think. We should find people that teach us to make our own opinion and those people should be our friends.